Monday, November 2, 2009

Wide and Deep


“Tomorrow is the last day?”, Annie asks. I feel my gut and my muscles tighten and I wish that she had not reminded me. We are sitting on the terrace of our hotel room in Puerto Vallarta, enjoying the early morning scene of sun and waves and people strolling along the beach. It is the 5th day of a vacation in which we have lounged, swam, snorkeled, ate, drank, exercised, ate some more, read, walked, jet skied, played in the waves, laughed and laughed some more. Each evening, three generations of family had gathered to toast another stunning and miraculous sunset. If it sounds wonderful, it’s because it really was.

As Annie posed her question, reminding me that it would soon be time to leave, I recognized the physical sensation within me as clinging. I realized that I didn’t want to think about leaving because I was holding on too tightly to this experience and in my mind I said, “I am clinging to something that is not mine to keep.” And then I thought, “Well, what is mine to keep?” The answer is of course, nothing. Certainly not this Mexico vacation, but neither are my children, my husband, this life that I live, or my very breath. All of it will change, all of it will move on in some form or another. But for now, it is on loan to me, asking me to love all of it widely and deeply. For today, for this moment.

In the scriptures Jesus says, “Do not worry about tomorrow.” He is trying to teach us to live in the moment. To not skip what is right in front of us. But then he also says, “Each day has enough troubles of its own.” I think that we can all identify with the troubles that each day brings. But, I for one, often spend too much time letting the troubles, many of which are really mere annoyances, to distract me from the beauty and the wonder which is inherent in this life. Yes, each day has its troubles, but each day also has unlimited, literally inifinite, opportunities for love, gratitude, goodness and hope.

As I focus on letting go of the clinging that is in me, I feel a release in my body and my spirit. And with that release, there is a new spaciousness from which to love.

6 comments:

Beth Knight said...

Reminds me of the Sunday School song we sang when I was young. I loved it and the hand motions.
Deep and Wide ! Deep and Wide ! There's a fountain flowing deep and wide !

kigen said...

Thanks for your strength, and faith, and hopefulness. I opened your photo and saw an exquisite image, suddenly stretched across my desktop, in fact it's now my computer's background image: it so totally evokes the spiritual path!

Rebecca Johnson said...

Beth, Yes, I know and love that sone. I never thought about the fact that I could be the "deep and wide", it was something outside of me, rather than in me. Love...

Rebecca Johnson said...

Kigen, I'm glad that you are enjoying the picture. How blessed I was to experience such beauty and then get to bring a little piece of it home with me! And now to get to share it with you. Love....

Nichol said...

Beautiful message Rebecca~ Happy to hear it was such a good trip.

SUNRISE SISTER said...

This is a beautiful post Rebecca. Those "last" days are so sweet. It's frightening to think of the truly last days - how sweet and sorrowful they will be. In the meantime, as you've so beautifully said here, we must cherish, hold and let go all at the same time.
xoxox